It has been approximately …FOREVER… since my last post to you all and I sincerely apologize for my absence but….IT. COULD. NOT. BE. HELPED.
Why? Because for the last 3 months I have been journeying through the vast and everlasting wasteland that is THE FIRST TRIMESTER OF PREGNANCY.
Now that I’m not puking on command/gagging on command/napping on command/crying on command I feel I finally have the strength to update you on all that has been going on!
We are beyond excited to be welcoming Baby Boy #2 into our clan, and despite the wretchedness that visited me in my physical body during these last three months, nothing can dampen the sheer joy we feel to be going down this road again. Yay babies!
Now…..as you read the rest of this post, just remember that last paragraph about my excitement (disclaimer), bc the rest of this post is me just GETTING REAL about the first trimester BLUES.
When I was pregnant with Maddox I was working full time, with some frequent late hours, serving full time at church, hanging out with friends, going on date nights with my man and generally having a great time. Yeah… I was tired. Yeah… I had some nausea for a few weeks in the evenings. Yeah… I didn’t poop right for a few weeks. But overall – not too shabby. (ps. I was in my 20’s) (pps. I miss my 20’s) (ppps. – just my body though, not any of my stupid decisions as an idiot 20 yr old).
Enter pregnancy at 31. My how the tables have turned….
I have basically spent the last 3 months of my life negotiating with God to just keep me and my family ALIVE until I reached the blessed 2nd trimester. I have truly been an absolute TROLL of a human being, in every possible way.
Here are some examples:
- I threw up in my kitchen sink – more than once with zero warning to anyone around me – including myself! (thank you Lord for disposals)
- I washed maybe 2 loads of laundry in that entire 3 months – just enough to keep all of us from getting some sort of hygiene disease. And no they were not folded or put away. They just sat on my kitchen table and if you wanted something you just had to go dig for it. You’re on your own Maddox (2.5 yrs old) #provider
- Imagine that feeling you have approx 3 seconds before you lose your lunch in a bathroom somewhere – that was how I felt literally every minute of every day for 11 weeks….ELEVEN WEEKS! I’m sure some of you have def had it worse, but for me this was the most unbearable part. And now that I’m generally feeling better, even the slightest hint of nausea sends me into a substantial panic attack.
- I laid down. Anywhere and everywhere I could. I had to. My body was an anvil and no amount of resting/sleeping seemed to make any difference at all. My poor husband. He was basically living with an invalid/zombie for a while there.
- My house/the dishes/the toys/the crumbs – I can’t even talk about it. I’ll just leave that to your imagination.
- On more than one occasion (by the sheer will of my dignity) I kept myself from yacking DIRECTLY ONTO THE TABLE IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT WHILE SITTING THERE WITH OTHER PEOPLE. If you throw up on someone while you’re out for a nice evening…that will never leave you. That will be your legacy forever.
- Also on more than one occasion, my husband found me literally crying uncontrollably on the toilet (like a crazy person) as I waited for the next wave of bodily mutiny to hit. Dark times you guys.
- I eventually had to tell a few people at work what was going on because I could tell by their faces they were concerned about the alarmingly pale skin hanging off my bones, the black circles under my eyes (and soul) and my 4-day-old top knot that def didn’t look “messy/cute” anymore. #dontcare
- I truly don’t know how many pizzas, chicken nuggets (from frozen) and Taco Villa burritos were eaten by my husband and child during this period. I know how many I had – (zero that stayed with me), but truly no idea what they ate or how they stayed alive during some of those weeks.
- And finally, the crown jewel of 1st Trimester – the everlasting battle between “Hunger vs. Sickness”. The last thing you want to do when you’re sick to your stomach (as a non-pregnant person) is eat loads of protein, take vitamins with iron in them and eat every hour. But pregnancy is this thing where if you DON’T EAT while you feel like death, you will feel like DOUBLE DEATH until you force-feed yourself all the things. ALL THE TIME. Is there no rest for the weary?!!
All that to say, dear friends, I am soooooooo happy to have entered the 2nd trimester. I am feeling the baby move, eating food like a normal human being and making it through most days without a 3-hour nap! I never knew how much I appreciated normalcy until now.
Next time, I will tell you why I chose to potty train a 2 yr old while on the pregnancy death-march and some of the new “Maddox-isms” that are currently my favorite phrases to repeat over and over!
Motherhood is a beast. But so worth it in the end!
real stories | real life